Voh'nn Seinheild (moi!)

[Voh'nn Seinheild]

I know you are all itching to learn more about me ;D
Shhhh I'm not a mary sue, I swearrrrr (but I still wish I had Leelai Elan's angelic voice and powers of public speech).

Mind me, this is all in character.

Age: That is confidential information. I am eternally youthful by your puny human standards.

Species: Yuuzhan Vong

Height: 200.66 centimetres (that's six foot seven for you filthbags who don't use metric, although your filthbags who do don't hold up to Yuuzhan Vong standard measurements. We measure in whale bones, shhhh.)

Affiliation: Yuuzhan Vong. And Elmiiiiira. And Domain Grahois. And Leelai Elan's fangroup, plurrr.

History: I hate public showering. I never shower in public. I use enzymes and bacteria to eat the dirt off me. Besides, who wouldn't like the smell of seaweed and ambergris perfume?! I certainly smell better than Tsavong Lah and his Essence of War perfume. I conserve more water than inferior males. Saving water helps dolphins, did you know that?

Space Dolphins are the most angelic creatures in this galaxy. Except for my one true love, whom I will not name specifically. Yes, I know there's no dolphins on this second-rate worldship. But they are watching and will someday return.

I am blessed by the horny Saint Skannensis, the dolphin-skinned lord of the river! Nobody understands how great this is!

My parents sent me to the creche, where they made me shower. I hated it. I'm not going to mention why. I thought my mother was pretty until she stopped letting me feed off her mammary slits, but she betrayed me to those fools at Murkhrana academy, where they told me fear is the heart of love. Liars!

The narwhals at domain Grahois allow me to avoid public showering. They are very generous folk. I ran away from home and got adopted (I was already away from home at the academy). Beat that, human cows!

Unfortunately, my pretty mother and my unknowing father died in an air leak/explosion on my home worldship arm. Domain Seinheild is practically cooked like a Yanskac and then frozen, and then thawed and then frozen again. I suspect they were all heretics, except for me.

Fortunately, I had all the time in the world to save the subspecies. What luck I am such a talented young (!) commander. Yes, I have done my part to help my line survive for the enjoyment of future generations while getting to feed off the mammary slits of better tempered Yuuzhan Vong.

Except for one.

I am currently exiled to this ball of dirt for something that happened on Endor. I hope those filthy biting furballs have all been turned into soap by now.

I'm going to wring the neck of that intendant who stabbed me, Nia Shul.

I want to see Elmira Val again. Sending packages costs too much in these parts!

Strengths: Let's see....I am stronger than you, I can make babies faster than you, I have less unwanted body hair than you, I can wield an ampistaff better than you, I can impale filthbags for longer than you, I can talk tougher than you....etc etc.

Weaknesses: That's confidential information, I can't even post those rump shots without that ice queen Barois rooting me out. She's not as pretty as Elmiiiiira. I like grrls but they sometimes try to kill me. Insubordinate cows....why won't they say yes?!

Other: I have no upper lip. This makes kissing harder, but I am not a wimpy human and can use my tongue quite well. My hair is long, black, lustrous, and smells of seaweed. I value it very much. I also value the gift Saint Skannensis gave me. I'm not telling you because you're unworthy. Unworrrrthy.

Wanna see my tattoos?

[Elmira Val]

Note: What this buffoon means is that he has childhood trauma due to his vestigial tail. I know this because I have seen it in the flesh. He is a pervert who changes partners every week, typical of warriors with lower standards. He has been constantly trying to show his affection through offerings of severed body parts, and tried to mate with an intendant I don't like.

He likes luxury. He used to have a fancy office. He makes me run humiliating errands for him. He has a bed filled with algae he uses for all the warriors he forces. Disgusting.

[Voh'nn Seinheild]

I'm not crazy, I swear. I woke up this morning in this awful getup. I suspect the Grahois have been drugging me into doing their bidding

Shocking revelations! The Mukhrana Questioner spills the story on Commander Seinheild.

---

Age: 45-50 standard years (perhaps 30's by Yuuzhan Vong standards)
Hair: black, long
Height: 6'7'' (200 cm)
Affiliation: Yuuzhan Vong, Domain Grahois

History: Voh'nn Seinheild was born to one of the various satellite ships of Baanu Odana, but unlike many members of domain Val and its allies, by a live birth. His only known parent was Skande Ahll Seinheild, a failed courtesan. His "father" was a brain-damaged warrior kept in domain Dal's stables.

His one flaw at birth was that he posessed a vestigial tail, both a blessing and a curse from the legendary shapeshifting demi-god Saint Skannensis. Skande Ahll, unwilling to part with her first child at the age of fourty-two spitta, kept him close.

Voh'nn soon faced the ridicule of his classmates as she walked him home every day, even more when they spotted him in the shower rooms, trying to cover the blemish.

His mother refused to have him "fixed", wanting to save him for an inevitable sacrifice to Yun-Yammka which she dreaded.

The day came, and the priests received an omen. Voh'nn was to be trained as an altarboy instead of being butchered for the ceremonial dining table.

When he was fourteen, Voh'nn was transferred to Baanu Odana's main body to complete his graduation. Before he could bring the good news to Skande Ahll, a hull breach occurred in domain Seinheild's satellite ship, rapidly depressuring her quarters. Her death devastated him.

Time passed, and Voh'nn was sent to Murkhrana Warrior Academy's upperclass quarters, where he met Vasi, son of affluent temple guards. They bonded, but parted ways upon Voh'nn's escalation to subaltern.

Adopted by domain Grahois, Voh'nn soon rose to the rank of commander, where he was stationed to Endor, a forest moon in infidel territory.


Likes: Seinheild is very self-conscious, and goes to great lengths to make himself look presentable. He delights in the company of worker-caste attendants he sometimes puts to other, less legitimate means. Like domain Shai, he delights in self-inflicted pain, and is seen as a pervert by warriors more faithful to the "true way".
He sees himself as a very desirable male, and has a brood of several offspring (some illegitimate) as a symbol of status. He takes great pleasure in spreading his genes.
Ceteceans across the galaxy are his favorite animals.
He likes the sound of a booming bellow tube sounding underwater, first heard on a remote colony world.

Dislikes: Seinheild cannot stand the stench of others, especially Shamed Ones. He loathes planets like a Coruscant with a passion for their lack of native wildlife, and wishes his skills to be put into restoring "ruined" planets into their natural state.
The commander makes all measures to avoid public showering. His status allows him to have his private quarters.
Being unable to get his way frustrates him.